Life & Death

It's de-ja-vu lately. My sister calling me with "Auntie Updates". Me lunging for the phone when it rings, and dreading bad news...

My Aunt Donna was admitted to the hospital a few days ago. It always starts small...a fall earlier this week, bronchitis turned pneumonia, kidneys already not so good just quit altogether...and so on. Only when she fell she hit her head. They didn't think much of it at the time, but a brain scan yesterday showed bleeding and swelling of her brain. Not good.

So she's had brain surgery, dialysis, and a whole host of meds. The doctors do not sound hopeful, nor do my sister's auntie updates.

Honestly, I don't think she will make it.

If someone were to ask me if I am close to my aunt, I'd say...sort of. She's just always been there growing up, and even now. She sends Christmas and birthday gifts. She emailed me when I was overseas. She's a nice person who has great taste in jewelry and is loving and kind. Why is it you really don't analyze your relationship to a family member until it is in jeopardy?

Surprise! Night Audit...

You ever get called into work.
On a national holiday.

Yep, that's me. Got the call this morning NOT to come into work during the day, but to come in later so I can work till midnight to run the night audit for the hotel. I don't mind. It's quiet in general between 11pm-2am. I'll be home, on my way to dreamland by 2am, but that's when the bars close, so there's more activity afterwards, that I thankfully won't have to witness :-)

Given the unexpected daytime hours all to myself, I decided to go for a hike. It ended up a 3 hour adventure, with many stops along the way to visit horses in their stalls. I took some pictures (will share soon), but the day was very foggy. If I weren't in such a "iffy" mood, it would perhaps spook me a bit to be deep in the woods on such a day.

The woods here are haunted. Seriously. There are many ghost stories written about various sites on the island, of Civil War battles, or Indian graveyards. My coworkers often go "ghost hunting" at night, and have captured some rather convincing images via camera.

But I'll not need to be convinced. I wouldn't confess to believing in ghosts, but I definitely have always felt a spirit's presence at places on this island. I wish I could say I felt such a supernatural essence at places I went to in Jerusalem, but I did not. Jerusalem had alot of concreteness to it, or perhaps too much human manipulation to the various sites. But here...it's just...different.

Today, with the heavy fog, I could swear I felt someone right behind me on the path, or just beyond the trees. I felt slightly embarrassed when I did my usual dancing and singing and various things "grownups" are not supposed to be doing. That's why I like to hike solo often. The world becomes a sad place when I feel like I'm not "allowed" to skip anymore. You know what I mean. You hesitate to do such a spontaneous burst of action because you "know better" because "people are watching" (who is watching? why do we care??). Yet, when I'm alone in the woods I can twirl or skip or hoot or throw stuff, and nobody is there to take note.

You would be surprised how much better you feel after doing such things.
I certainly felt better, and uplifted from my original "iffy" mood.
Perhaps the spirits were making fun of me. I'm OK with that :-)

Mystery flu bug.

It was bound to happen. When you live with the SAME people, work with them, party with them, eat with them, you are bound to be sick with them. The sucky part of community living.

So, here amongst the Iroquois staff, there has been a 2 day-killer-stomach-re-arranging flu bug floating around. I had the unfortunate encounter with it Sunday night. I felt fine during the day...a little tired, but I thought it was from working out too hard.

But by 8pm, something was definitely not right. The other night manager suggested I rest for a bit in a vacant room until it was time to do the midnight audit. Alas, the only time I have been privileged to rest in one of our "basic" 300.00 dollar a night rooms, I spent it in the bathroom!

And my boss has deemed my sick day as my golden day off day. Bummer. I did not want to spend my one day a week off resting with the flu! But these things happen. How? I don't know.
Over half of the staff have had the "it." And this place is spotless! I can't figure it out...I'd been hand-sanitizing like crazy, all for nothing? Oh well.

It gave me perspective: health is golden, not my golden day off. Staring at the white walls for a whole day with the flu gives one great insight to what is worth stressing about. At first I was concerned with not finishing my work, missing work, making less money, causing someone to cover my shift, etc. Then thoughts of the beautiful day outside that I was missing out on made me upset. But hearing the horses clip-clop in and out of my drifting sleep made it all seem trivial.

It will all be fine when I am well.

And so I am better. And all is fine.

Life stuff...

First, I should share a pic I took today with my cheap-o camera phone:

It's May, and the tulips are beginning to show off their colors! I went biking around the island today, as it was nice and sunny out. But chilly still!

I have been reading and thinking and having fun alot lately. The readings: War and Peace; books by Jeanette Winterson; a couple of books my boss gave me; The Golden Notebook...

You'd think I'd be satisfied with just War and Peace! It's thicker than the freaggin Bible.

The thinking's: I've been thinking about Palestine alot. I have been dreaming about it too. Not good dreams either...more like ones that I wake up from and feel an intense amount of guilt. I dreamed last night that I went back to surprise everyone during the Wednesday night volleyball games...and ended up apologizing profusely for leaving. It feels awful to wake up from such a dream. I don't know what is worse, the stress of living there or the guilt of not living there...

The fun: Luckily, the days at work are productive and I enjoy my job. I'm meeting and hanging out with laid back people, so that helps counter act the "thinking's" and dreams. I played some drinking games the other night, not something I do often, but it was very fun at the time. I have not had straight vodka in a while! And I don't plan on having it for a while!

Did you know you can get a BUI "Biking Under the Influence" ticket here? Yep, you definitely can!

Day Off!

Tomorrow is my day off!

Everyone on the island works 6 days a week, and after my 2p-midnight shifts, I'm ready to be off. And tomorrow is my golden day...

Golden :-) It's supposed to get up to 60 degrees! I may go horseback riding. Or just hang out with people. Or go out after midnight tonight with coworkers as they visit some haunted sites on the island again...

Yeah, loads to do here (kidding) It's an island. There's only so much to do. One day off is enough.

ps--my gym habit is in full swing, and already my arms are buffing up! saweeeet! I *heart* weightlifting :-) I love it.

gotta go...sneeking internet while on the clock is a big no-no for me...

Mother's Day...

So, it's mother's day today...and I hardly felt sad at all.

That's strange. But I was reminded of the last Mother's Day I got to spend with my mom in 2003. It was the day before I flew up here to work on Mack Island for the first time. Although my boss wanted me here weeks earlier, I am now SO glad I stuck to my gut to spend Mother's Day with mom...

Wow. That seems like forever ago.

At times I am reminded of her presence still in my life, even though she is dead.

It's the little things...the phone booths here on the island that I used to use to call her once a week. The little souvenirs I bought and mailed to her...a little bar of lavender soap...some fudge.

I remember the fear I felt every time I called her...because I was afraid she would not remember me. The cancer had begun to spread to her brain, so sometimes she was not quite with it. But she always remembered me! :-) I am so grateful for that. And even more grateful for our last conversation (i used the phone near the docks...) when she made me answer questions for some survey I got in the mail from my university. I thought it was a stupid waste of time, and didn't want to spend the last conversation with my mom doing such a task! But she sternly reminded me that she was my MOTHER, and we WERE DOING THE SURVEY, and I followed her lead.

When I flew back home, just before she died, I found that survey, filled out with her shaky handwriting. It made me proud and sad. But ever so grateful for my mother and the direction she gave me in life.

So much has changed for me since that time.

But I still carry the lessons learned. And I still hate filling out stupid surveys :-)

Happy Mother's Day!

Wedding Bells

Today my boss's only daughter got married. They held the ceremony on the patio of the hotel, right next to the lake, absolutely beautiful day. Things were strangely calm last night in the hotel, considering it was opening day! Mostly we are booked up with wedding guests, so other than a screaming 2 year old (flower gal), things were quiet.

I had to heat up the little girl's sippy cup with milk more times than I can calmly say...

Just one of the job perks, I guess.

I am helping train the newbies, while learning to do the audit, and keep on top of the payables. It's not so stressful, but I try not to think of my long to do list. I do love paying other people's bills, a strange satisfaction I gain from that. I think it's because it's a tangible task, and once it's done, it's done...until the next bill, that is. Besides, I'm not spending MY money in the process :-)

I always learn alot about how to run a hotel whenever I have worked here. Maybe I will make this my career and run my own B&B one day...

Yesterday I heard the cannon go off from the fort on the bluff. (they do re-enactments for tourists, and just shoot off the cannon, not loaded of course) It reminded me of Palestine. I am often reminded of Jerusalem, but it seems so odd...to think tomorrow is Pentecost. I have seen the "upper room" the places in Jerusalem where such events have taken place. But I have yet to know where to place them in my own life, my own mind.

They do not haunt me here. Nothing bothers me here. I am fulfilled.

Meet Breezy

I have seen her around. But clearly she was way out of my league.

sigh.

I could admire from afar...

But this year was going to be different. She was to be mine :-)

Meet "Breezy" my love. :-)

The only bike for me :-)