Where the trail leads...

So many goodbyes have been said already...and more to come...and some I will unfortunately never get to say.

Only one, maybe two, people got to me here. That is, got to know me. I have enjoyed the other friends and acquaintances I've made here, but I wonder about the people I've encountered...
Where will they be in a year? Or more?

I will be in Louisville, Ky. Doing what? I do not know. I will find some sort of job to make ends meet, and providing benefits/insurance. I will fall in love...with a kitten :-) And finally have a pet and a place to call home. I will throw random garden parties, and bake muffins on Sundays.

Live the good life :-)

Well, other than goodbyes...life has been pretty up and down...and down...and up. I am not sure what to make of it really. I think things get confusing when so many changes occur, and only afterwards can one make sense of it. The hotel is super slow tonight...a calm before the last shabang of Labor Day Weekend.

I have been running regularly, except this week I had a bad cold. I stayed in bed as much as possible to rest up. My knees were bothering me on my run today, and that worries me. The race is soon! I am in shape for it, but an illness or injury would be a sad setback after all the miles and hours I've put in.

But I was thinking on my run a few weeks ago, that "this is when races are won." In the middle of a long hot humid day's run...when you know you have it in you to finish, but you have to push through the parts of yourself that doubt. I have run the 8 mile race, and then some already. To run on race day is more of an afterthought.

Maybe I will just run it for the free t-shirt :-)

And certainly for the satisfaction that I completed my goals...of running around the island...of other things I have personally be trying to overcome during my time here. It's been challenging, but I see the finish line.

And the scenery along the way is not bad either :-)

Not *quite* ready!

So, I'm leaving the island soon.

Like in 2.5 weeks, which is earlier than my contract through October. I am just ready to settle down a bit in life. Considering I've lived in so many different places, this is an odd thing to crave. But I do crave it.

Why Louisville, KY?

I have no idea.
Besides, that all my friends are there, and my church family. My sister is in Tennessee (for now) and my half sister is in Florida. My half-brother in Los Angeles. My other half-brother, I have no idea...

Where I have lived:
Tennessee--growing up years
Los Angeles--a year in college
Mackinac Island--off and on for 5 years
Thailand--one year
Everglades, Florida--half a year
Israel/Palestine--nearly 2 years.

Louisville, KY--long enough to find a home :-)

And so I finally have. I have the cutest little apartment in the artsy part of town (very "me"). All my fav. shops and friends nearby. I can work just about anywhere, as a job is not that important to me. There are many organizations I can't wait to volunteer for: Kentucky Refugee Ministries, Urban Spirit, Earth and Spirit Center...

So it figures when I get this all figured out...I meet new people and want to spend all my time with them! The island is always full of surprises...

And it's freaking chilly today. High of 68? burr.

"A'hd"

"A'hd" is the Arabic word for "oath" or "promise."

I made a personal A'hd when I left Palestine, that I have yet to share with anyone. So why not just share it with everyone...or just to type it out for myself, really.

I remember the day of my next-to-last Communion. I was at the Sea of Galilee with a group that I'd been helping see the sites in Israel/Palestine. It was our last gathering. I played in the warm waves of the lake. Took my water bottle to collect some stones and shells from the shore. I put the little wooden dove I was wearing on a string around my neck in the bottle too. It floated to the top at first.

The water was so clear. I almost wanted to drink it.

I texted a couple of people in America, hoping it wasn't too early because of the time difference. I was seven hours ahead. And then I stared at the lake, knowing it would be the last time I would look at it. I thought of the promise, the A'hd I was about to make, as it had weighed on my conscience for several weeks already.

I would go a year without taking Communion.

That did not make much sense to me at first. But as I prayed about it, I came to realize what Communion means to me, to others, to the Church as a whole, to God. So why be denied such a beautiful thing? I can't say all the reasons why, but I do know that my heart has been tested, strengthened, and humbled through this experience.

I took my last Communion on Easter Sunday at a campground with the church family I love.

And I won't have it again until Easter Sunday, 2009.

It's not that easy. I am uncomfortable going to church, sitting while everyone else is lined up, making their way down the isle. I sometimes go outside to be alone, to pray. But mostly I am overwhelmed with the same thoughts: of the people who are not able to receive Communion, who are lonely or lost, or who have no place to call home. I think of the people I encountered in Israel and Palestine, of their situations, and pray for peace. I think of the compassion I have been shown from people who literally have nothing, yet they baked me bread and fed me olives. And said "Thanks be to God" with nearly every other phrase. I think of how disconnected it feels to not be close to God. Or other people.

I look at the other people, and am happy they are there....

These are some of the thoughts...as I sit with the uncomfortableness in doing without. I admit, at first I was kinda ashamed of it, because I find it difficult to articulate "Why?" But it is MY A'hd. My promise. My position to keep, my cross to bear. It has it's place in my life, and I am grateful.

But I can't wait until Easter!

--Shannon

Work...Sleep...Repeat...

As my friend Naomi puts it: "it's just the same thing every day, same people, same food, same day" It's hard to keep track of the days or even months up here. There is no distinction between weekend and weekday. A 6-day workweek is mandatory for island workers, so why keep track? The only use for my calendar is to keep track of how many miles I've ran that week...

I'm in such a rut. And in such a bad mood!

Both are detestable for me, as I am used to moving, traveling, having some sort of freedom to spice things up a bit. But here, it's not so easy or even possible. It's an island. Eight miles around. That's it. There aren't so many social things to pursue, and even when there is one, I will be working. There are plenty of bars, but that avenue has long since lost it's luster for me.

Work...Sleep...Work...Jog... There has to be more to my life than that. And of course there is...an occasional movie night with the gals. An occasional great night out. But as the summer wears on and people leave...these occasions are becoming more and more rare.

I requested the afternoon off tomorrow to go to a poetry gathering. I'm so ready to expand my mind in a different direction! I want to garden, to write, to go camping, to settle down in Louisville. These are things my heart wants, and I cannot wait for them any longer.

Earning more money has become an empty reason to remain in this place, where I have no way to channel my energy for something good.

"Alcatraz" is what someone called this place the other day :-) Fitting in some regards.

You ever just know when it's time to move on? It's time.
Only I have one more task to do...
Run my race.