Last days of island life...

I'm a napper. Have always enjoyed a good nap. Since I often work a split shift, it's the perfect set up for a good afternoon snooze.

I always nap in a different direction than how I normally sleep. Either my feet are where my head should be, or I lay horizontally across the bed. I do not know exactly why I do this, perhaps it's a way to tell my body that this is not a long endeavor, just a temporary rest. :-)

Today I had a stomachache, and felt like someone very large was sitting on top of me as I napped. My stomachache has finally gone away ( i contribute the recovery to two servings of vanilla ice cream at dinner :-) but I am curious as to why I was so tired today? I've recently gotten over a cold, and certainly had some stressful days as of late, but now that I'm leaving, and most of the other staff have already left, life has shifted to be very peaceful.

I thought it would be lonely and boring, but it's not.

I have begun to clean and pack. Only 3 more days of work left (!). The days have been hot, and I have been hiking like crazy to get out of the direct sunlight, and enjoy all the hidden trails the tourists do not know about ;-)


This is my island. I have hiked all the trails now, and ran all of the paved pathways. I've lingered in the cemetery and explored places where climbing is prohibited. I do not wish to have anymore claim to this place than that, but it will always have a special place in my heart. A place of healing.


Of course, there is always work drama...and this year has been no exception. I know I will never come back to work at the Iroquois, and I am very much OK with that. I was looking back on my summer here, and much has changed around and within me. I can honestly say I had a blast!

Where the trail leads...

So many goodbyes have been said already...and more to come...and some I will unfortunately never get to say.

Only one, maybe two, people got to me here. That is, got to know me. I have enjoyed the other friends and acquaintances I've made here, but I wonder about the people I've encountered...
Where will they be in a year? Or more?

I will be in Louisville, Ky. Doing what? I do not know. I will find some sort of job to make ends meet, and providing benefits/insurance. I will fall in love...with a kitten :-) And finally have a pet and a place to call home. I will throw random garden parties, and bake muffins on Sundays.

Live the good life :-)

Well, other than goodbyes...life has been pretty up and down...and down...and up. I am not sure what to make of it really. I think things get confusing when so many changes occur, and only afterwards can one make sense of it. The hotel is super slow tonight...a calm before the last shabang of Labor Day Weekend.

I have been running regularly, except this week I had a bad cold. I stayed in bed as much as possible to rest up. My knees were bothering me on my run today, and that worries me. The race is soon! I am in shape for it, but an illness or injury would be a sad setback after all the miles and hours I've put in.

But I was thinking on my run a few weeks ago, that "this is when races are won." In the middle of a long hot humid day's run...when you know you have it in you to finish, but you have to push through the parts of yourself that doubt. I have run the 8 mile race, and then some already. To run on race day is more of an afterthought.

Maybe I will just run it for the free t-shirt :-)

And certainly for the satisfaction that I completed my goals...of running around the island...of other things I have personally be trying to overcome during my time here. It's been challenging, but I see the finish line.

And the scenery along the way is not bad either :-)

Not *quite* ready!

So, I'm leaving the island soon.

Like in 2.5 weeks, which is earlier than my contract through October. I am just ready to settle down a bit in life. Considering I've lived in so many different places, this is an odd thing to crave. But I do crave it.

Why Louisville, KY?

I have no idea.
Besides, that all my friends are there, and my church family. My sister is in Tennessee (for now) and my half sister is in Florida. My half-brother in Los Angeles. My other half-brother, I have no idea...

Where I have lived:
Tennessee--growing up years
Los Angeles--a year in college
Mackinac Island--off and on for 5 years
Thailand--one year
Everglades, Florida--half a year
Israel/Palestine--nearly 2 years.

Louisville, KY--long enough to find a home :-)

And so I finally have. I have the cutest little apartment in the artsy part of town (very "me"). All my fav. shops and friends nearby. I can work just about anywhere, as a job is not that important to me. There are many organizations I can't wait to volunteer for: Kentucky Refugee Ministries, Urban Spirit, Earth and Spirit Center...

So it figures when I get this all figured out...I meet new people and want to spend all my time with them! The island is always full of surprises...

And it's freaking chilly today. High of 68? burr.

"A'hd"

"A'hd" is the Arabic word for "oath" or "promise."

I made a personal A'hd when I left Palestine, that I have yet to share with anyone. So why not just share it with everyone...or just to type it out for myself, really.

I remember the day of my next-to-last Communion. I was at the Sea of Galilee with a group that I'd been helping see the sites in Israel/Palestine. It was our last gathering. I played in the warm waves of the lake. Took my water bottle to collect some stones and shells from the shore. I put the little wooden dove I was wearing on a string around my neck in the bottle too. It floated to the top at first.

The water was so clear. I almost wanted to drink it.

I texted a couple of people in America, hoping it wasn't too early because of the time difference. I was seven hours ahead. And then I stared at the lake, knowing it would be the last time I would look at it. I thought of the promise, the A'hd I was about to make, as it had weighed on my conscience for several weeks already.

I would go a year without taking Communion.

That did not make much sense to me at first. But as I prayed about it, I came to realize what Communion means to me, to others, to the Church as a whole, to God. So why be denied such a beautiful thing? I can't say all the reasons why, but I do know that my heart has been tested, strengthened, and humbled through this experience.

I took my last Communion on Easter Sunday at a campground with the church family I love.

And I won't have it again until Easter Sunday, 2009.

It's not that easy. I am uncomfortable going to church, sitting while everyone else is lined up, making their way down the isle. I sometimes go outside to be alone, to pray. But mostly I am overwhelmed with the same thoughts: of the people who are not able to receive Communion, who are lonely or lost, or who have no place to call home. I think of the people I encountered in Israel and Palestine, of their situations, and pray for peace. I think of the compassion I have been shown from people who literally have nothing, yet they baked me bread and fed me olives. And said "Thanks be to God" with nearly every other phrase. I think of how disconnected it feels to not be close to God. Or other people.

I look at the other people, and am happy they are there....

These are some of the thoughts...as I sit with the uncomfortableness in doing without. I admit, at first I was kinda ashamed of it, because I find it difficult to articulate "Why?" But it is MY A'hd. My promise. My position to keep, my cross to bear. It has it's place in my life, and I am grateful.

But I can't wait until Easter!

--Shannon

Work...Sleep...Repeat...

As my friend Naomi puts it: "it's just the same thing every day, same people, same food, same day" It's hard to keep track of the days or even months up here. There is no distinction between weekend and weekday. A 6-day workweek is mandatory for island workers, so why keep track? The only use for my calendar is to keep track of how many miles I've ran that week...

I'm in such a rut. And in such a bad mood!

Both are detestable for me, as I am used to moving, traveling, having some sort of freedom to spice things up a bit. But here, it's not so easy or even possible. It's an island. Eight miles around. That's it. There aren't so many social things to pursue, and even when there is one, I will be working. There are plenty of bars, but that avenue has long since lost it's luster for me.

Work...Sleep...Work...Jog... There has to be more to my life than that. And of course there is...an occasional movie night with the gals. An occasional great night out. But as the summer wears on and people leave...these occasions are becoming more and more rare.

I requested the afternoon off tomorrow to go to a poetry gathering. I'm so ready to expand my mind in a different direction! I want to garden, to write, to go camping, to settle down in Louisville. These are things my heart wants, and I cannot wait for them any longer.

Earning more money has become an empty reason to remain in this place, where I have no way to channel my energy for something good.

"Alcatraz" is what someone called this place the other day :-) Fitting in some regards.

You ever just know when it's time to move on? It's time.
Only I have one more task to do...
Run my race.

The Best Perspective...

Yesterday I got to "babysit/hangout" with Charlotte, a 7 year old girl who is staying with her parents here in the hotel. We have babysitting services for guests, and normally I do not make myself available for that! (had a not so fun experience with it on the island years ago...rich people sometimes have very very very bratty kids!)

But Charlotte was different. In an eccentric young-Drew Barrymore kinda way.

Upon check in, she had these fake tattoo stars all on her arms and even her forehead. She was shy, as I was a stranger. The next day, her dad said she wanted ME to babysit her. And so our 3 hour adventure involved walking to the playground...playing around on the swings....throwing rocks in the water (did that for about an hour, and looked for cool rocks)...getting ice cream...playing Old Maid.

It was actually one of the best nights I've spent on this island. I'm getting too run down with the other types of "fun" this place has to offer. And spending time with a 7 year old really warps your perspective of life...for the better! I got home and had my head and heart full of how she saw the world. It was the most interesting thing to reflect on...

Favorite Quotes from Charlotte:
~I name everyday...the first day was "Island explore day" yesterday was "horse back ride day" today is "babysit day" I've been looking forward to this ALL DAY.

~I wanted you to babysit me.
-Why me?
~I like your red hair. I think that it's neat.

~The waves are my ENEMY! (As we throw rocks in the water)

~You know what I think of war? (she said out of the blue...)
-what?
~I think they should stop it. Just don't fight.

~Rub the dirt on the rock like THIS see? It looks neat.

~ I like getting really dirty.

~ I bought one mouse toy and one rat toy. Look!
~ I named them Dratcula and Isabella. Cuz this one is black like a Dracula, and the other one is white like a girl.

~ I have a friend who blows her nose like this (hand covering nose and tissue in other hand)
~Isn't that WEIRD?!

-How do you whistle so good? (i can't whistle at all)
~It's easy. Like this....no put your tongue like this...
(i still can't whistle)

~ I'm saving my last 3 dollars to buy something special.
-What?
~A HUGE ALLIGATOR! Hahaha
(lots of giggles following and her dancing about...)

The 5 Year Plan...

I did not have a 5 year plan 5 years ago...it seemed totally irrelevant, as I was just trying to make it one day at a time. That's about all I could manage those days. Memories are distant.

But today holds many distinct memories. Five years ago today, my mother died.

Yet, it seems like a lifetime ago. In many ways it was another lifetime ago...

I was working here on Mack island; went home the day before she died; came back to the island to work. And here I am 5 years later. This year is different. This year I am free to act like the 23-year-old that did not get to stay out all night or make new friends. I just didn't have it in me at that time. I had real responsibilities: selling my childhood home; planning a funeral; paying lots of bills; finding time and figuring out how to grieve.

I think that's why the current 28-year-old me is having so much fun with these college aged kids. Somehow fulfilling that urge to be in and of the moment. Being very lighthearted, as before it was not something that came so easily. I can't even tell you who I worked with that year, as I did not get to know any of my coworkers. Even though I spent 6 months with those people! And so far only 3 with the current group, and I've had numerous fun times with them. Even just last night...

I often wonder how my sister and I managed. I could not have done it all without her. She, being the older sister (just a couple years older), carried more of the burden. I basically had no idea what I was doing.

And now, five years later, I still am not sure of what I am doing with my life. But I know who I am. I know where I've been, and am hopeful to where I am going. I never thought I would have a family again, but I've been blessed to have great siblings, and an awesome church family in Louisville. I've lived in other countries. I've travelled the world.

None of this was in my 5 year plan :-)

That's because I do not have one. But maybe I'll start...next year :-)